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credit talk
What do couples fight about? Money, finances, and even credit lead the list – but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Ask any couple that’s been married for a while and they’ll probably tell you that marriage is difficult – but well worth it.
Likewise, people in longterm relationships or even just dating often have ups and downs, bumps in the road, and even fights.
But did you know that the number one cause of arguments and disagreements among couples?
You might be surprised that it has more to do with spending, savings, and even use of credit than more romantic concerns.
According to research, here are the top 5 things couples fight about:
1. Money
2. Division of domestic responsibilities
3. Sex
4. Parents
5. Power dynamics
It turns out that the number one cause of relationship disagreements, squabbles, and wars of the roses is money.
What specific money issues count as a relationship red flag?
Here are the most common financial issues or topics we couples fight about:
• The cost of raising children
• Taking care of aging parents or family
• One person makes more than the other
• Risk tolerance
• Financial objectives
• Personalities and values
• Power dynamics in the relationship
• Previous debt or debt accrued during the relationship
So why is money such a hot button issue, to the point that it breaks up so many seemingly happy relationships?
For most people, money is one of the most stressful and emotional problems. In fact, data from the American Psychological Association reveals that money is the leading cause of stress for Americans today.
Our attitudes, background, and values about work, money, security, and retirement are passed down from our parents starting at an early age, and so they are deeply ingrained, right or wrong.
In fact, many people won’t jump into marriage – or even start dating someone – if they don’t feel they are financially compatible. A recent national survey found that 57% of men and 75% of women say that the other person’s credit score factors into their decision to date them or not. And about 30% of women and 20% of men say they won’t marry a person with a low credit score!
The truth is that arguments over money compound, more than any other reason, except perhaps infidelity, and this type of fight is the most likely signal that the relationship is ending. In fact, studies have shown that fighting over money is a leading indicator of rocky relationship roads in the future. In fact, only substance abuse problems and cheating are bigger predictors of divorce than money issues!
These days, the average couple getting married has a 40-50% chance of getting divorced at some point. But couples with no significant assets at the time of their marriage are 70% more likely to get divorced than couples that are solid financially. In fact, if your income is at least the U.S. median (about $50,000), your risk of divorce is decreased by 30% (compared to those who make $25,000 or less).
It’s no wonder why money plays such a critical role in our relationships, as “financial infidelity” is also on the rise, a form of dishonesty when partners hide their financial dealings from their better half – or even lie about them.
However, if you feel that your spouse spends money irresponsibly, your likelihood of divorce is increased by 45%. Researchers also found that newly married couples who took on a lot of credit card debt became less happy over time. But newlyweds who cut back, saved, and paid off or stayed out of debt measured higher levels of happiness over their marriages.
But before you start second guessing your current relationship because you have disagreements about money from time to time, note that relationship experts and marriage counselors say almost all couples have these heated exchanges over dollars and cents.
“People should expect to fight about finances,” says Laurie Puhn, a New York City-based couples mediator. “It’s a part of any marriage and any long-term relationship. You will fight about finances.”
What’s a “normal” amount of fighting over finances? About 31% of all couples — even the ones that say they are very happy – have at least one fight over finances and money once a month or more.
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Look for part two of this blog where we cover tips and tactics to help ensure that money doesn’t ruin your relationship!
Can your credit score go down because of your social media activity?
Like it or not, social media is a big part of our lives. In fact, 81% of Americans have at least one social media profile, and we now use 2,675,700 GB of Internet data per minute! Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, and YouTube are popular social media platforms, but Facebook is still the biggest, with more than 2 billion users worldwide.
People post just about every detail of their lives these days, share droves of links and content from others, and reach far past their circle of friends that they know in real life.
But it might not just be other social media users who are watching your Facebook and social media accounts and judging you. In fact, banks, lenders, and credit bureaus may soon be paying attention to your social media usage – denying you for a loan or lowering your score based on what they see.
Already, the scope that our personal data from social media is collected, shared, and sold is startling. Pretty soon, you might be denied for a loan on a credit card, a car, or even a mortgage because of who you’re friends with on Facebook. For instance, the average credit score of your social media friends and network could be a factor that influences your credit worthiness, too – a scary proposition. It’s not as far-fetched as you may think.
Back in the “good old days,” lending in the U.S. usually took place on a more personal level, with consumers walking into the local branch of their hometown bank. They sat down with a banker whom they already knew a long time and made their case for approving the loan during a conversation, with the bank granting or denying their request based on their character and reputation.
We’ve come a long way since then, and now, lending decisions are made uniformly with mountains of data collected and interpreted by nameless, faceless credit agencies with advanced algorithms – the credit bureaus.
But even with all of our advanced technology, some things never change, as credit bureaus and lenders may well be turning back the clock and trying to gauge your character, lifestyle, and reputation before approving you for a loan. Not only can they look at what you post, but check-ins, what content you like and share, and even the groups or brand pages you belong to.
The U.S. Patent office recently granted an updated patent on technology that combs social media for evidence of a person’s closest network of friends. It then relays that information to potential creditors, who can make lending decisions based on the friends’ perceived financial stability.
The patent, which Facebook first acquired from Friendster and inventor Christopher Lunt in 2010, actually has a much broader scope of intended use than just data mining for lenders. In fact, the main purpose of the patent is to protect technology that formulates and tracks how social media users are connected in a social network, protecting them from spam
But another use in the patent’s official application (called use cases in patent-speak) definitely outlines that same technology functioning as a way for lenders to aggregate credit scores and financial data from your Facebook friends when you apply for a loan.
All of this can eventually factor into their complex algorithms that gauge you as a solid candidate for a new loan – or a big credit risk.
However, there are several reasons why credit risk monitoring via social media may not be practical, ethical, or even legal.
First off, we have the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, a federal law that states that credit must be granted to all creditworthy applicants without paying credence to their race, religion, gender, marital status, age and other personal characteristics. That’s the exact reason you aren’t asked your race, religion, etc. on any loan application or credit form. But that information is often readily available on many Facebook and social media profiles, which opens the door for discriminatory practices.
Next, credit decisions are all supposed to be transparent and disputable. That means you’re supposed to know why your score goes up and down, and there can’t be mysterious or secret factors that play into your score that are disclosed on your credit report. Likewise, you have the right and ability to dispute incorrect items on your credit such as duplicate items, bad information, or even accounts opened and used by ID thieves.
But when credit bureaus track and use your social media usage to help determine your credit worthiness, they’re using factors that are neither transparent or disputable.
Furthermore, pundits point out that social media accounts can be easily manipulated. For instance, if a social media user knows that creditors are watching, they might purposely post certain things, like certain brands, check-in at certain places, etc. that would reflect positively upon them in the eyes of creditors. Basically, they could also set up fake or duplicate social media accounts, or you have the risk of someone else setting up a social media profile in another real person’s name.
Lenders will always look for “alternative data” to improve the accuracy of their credit lending decisions, some things. Cell phone usage, paying rent on time, and even bank account activity could possibly impact your credit score shortly.
But the potential for creditors to track your social media usage raises some serious concerns.
